July 31, 2008 § Leave a comment

I want to run.

  • I want to run until my legs want to fall off.
  • I want to run until my heart no longer beats in anxiety or desperation.
  • I want to run until my mind knows of nothing but my breath, my muscles and joints, and my sweat.
  • I want to run until my only desire is oxygen and water and ground to tread over.
  • I want to run until the rhythm of my footsteps and my breath becomes ingrained in my pulse forever and evermore.
                    And then I want to run ten thousand miles more.

I am distracted by shiny new ideas.

July 25, 2008 § Leave a comment

I’ve been fascinated these days with the notion of grad study at RISD.  Here I go again with new ideas all the time, one semi-whimsical/semi-obsession-induced marathon after another, but this is my way of dealing.  I just finished my last day of summer school, and I’m looking forward to the start of the fall semester in three weeks so I can dive into a slew of design classes and start working on my design portfolio for my application in about two-ish years.

But first, this marathon.  Training, Recital Prep, Fundraising, and sleep.  Concentrate, Katrina, and follow through.  I keep forgetting to breathe.  Has Hapkido taught me nothing?

A more useful update once I have something positive to report.

P.S.  I keep daydreaming about pianos.  This is good, this is very good.  I have also been acquainting myself with the Prokofiev piano sonatas… I recommend them.


July 11, 2008 § Leave a comment

When I was in high school, I always found that a preemptive, remorseful confession to my mom about the poor grades on my upcoming report card always made her reaction to it gentle and sweet instead of terrifyingly livid.  I was always so baffled by this hardly-credible phenomenon that I reserved this cherished tactic–like a favorite t-shirt or lucky pair of underwear or socks–for only very special occasions, when I felt my moral strength to be weakest.

That said, I have a confession to make.

I mentioned before that I had not been running (or practicing) well because I had not been sleeping well.  Perhaps I have not been sleeping well in part because I have been eating like crap, in part because my room has persisted in being a dreadful mess for weeks without relief, and what kind of person can be expected to find such an environment sufficiently relaxing?  And perhaps I have been eating like crap because the mess in our kitchen dissuades me from preparing healthy meals properly, and perhaps my room is a mess because I am just too tired to want to deal with it.


Well, whatever excuses I have are not important.  These vices end now.  No, perhaps that’s too declarative and storybook-like a statement.  The truth is that I have been battling this, like everyone else does, for as long as I can remember, and hating myself (in varying degrees)  continually for them.  I don’t enjoy hating myself.  I need to make this happen.  For myself.  For this marathon.  For all these crazy goals and dreams I’ve been conjuring up for myself during these past couple of weeks.  I won’t keep sinking into this slump; I’ll claw my way back to solid ground somehow.

I’m glad I have this marathon looming ahead of me.  It’s giving me that extra prod right now to keep trying.

Week 1

July 7, 2008 § Leave a comment

6/30 M: 2.17 mi (15 min)
7/1 T: 5.95 mi (50 min)
7/2 W: no time
7/3 R: 5.95 mi (50 min)
7/4 F: 5.95 mi (1 hr)
7/5 St: not enough sleep
7/6 Sn: failure—intended 13 mi, instead ran 2 mi and turned around: not enough sleep

Week Total: 22 miles

The week before went great, but this week I had so much trouble getting to sleep after work.  Depression started kicking in.  But bad sleep means bad running, so I need to do something about this—sleeping pills, slapping myself and just getting over it—whatever it takes, as long as I don’t gravitate towards the computer again.

Taking today off, too.  I’ll kick it back in tomorrow, because I will get a good night’s sleep tonight.  This is the problem for saving long runs for when they’re scheduled instead of getting them all in when you’re feeling up for it.  I think I’ll use the online marathon schedule more as a flexible minimum-guideline.  I’ve got a fairly good idea of how my body works by now, anyhow, and I seem to be pretty capable of whipping up a 40- or 50-mile week out of nowhere, as last week shows (I hadn’t done very much consistent running the couple of weeks before that).  

I need NIN on an iPod again.

Where Am I?

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