Confession

July 11, 2008 § Leave a comment

When I was in high school, I always found that a preemptive, remorseful confession to my mom about the poor grades on my upcoming report card always made her reaction to it gentle and sweet instead of terrifyingly livid.  I was always so baffled by this hardly-credible phenomenon that I reserved this cherished tactic–like a favorite t-shirt or lucky pair of underwear or socks–for only very special occasions, when I felt my moral strength to be weakest.

That said, I have a confession to make.

I mentioned before that I had not been running (or practicing) well because I had not been sleeping well.  Perhaps I have not been sleeping well in part because I have been eating like crap, in part because my room has persisted in being a dreadful mess for weeks without relief, and what kind of person can be expected to find such an environment sufficiently relaxing?  And perhaps I have been eating like crap because the mess in our kitchen dissuades me from preparing healthy meals properly, and perhaps my room is a mess because I am just too tired to want to deal with it.

Hm.

Well, whatever excuses I have are not important.  These vices end now.  No, perhaps that’s too declarative and storybook-like a statement.  The truth is that I have been battling this, like everyone else does, for as long as I can remember, and hating myself (in varying degrees)  continually for them.  I don’t enjoy hating myself.  I need to make this happen.  For myself.  For this marathon.  For all these crazy goals and dreams I’ve been conjuring up for myself during these past couple of weeks.  I won’t keep sinking into this slump; I’ll claw my way back to solid ground somehow.

I’m glad I have this marathon looming ahead of me.  It’s giving me that extra prod right now to keep trying.

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