September 30, 2008 § Leave a comment
If a balanced life is all about reevaluating and readjusting, then I guess I’m doing all right.
I’ve cancelled my piano recital. It wasn’t going to work. And that’s okay. I rediscovered that I do enjoy practicing. I went out and bought a piano for myself. I know that this is something that I will keep coming back to, so there’s no loss there. I’d rather not have it be set on the back burner, overbubbling and burning round the edges.
I started going a little nuts during the past couple of weeks. Four classes and two jobs and marathon training and recital prep all going on concurrently is a little much for me for now. That’s the kind of thing that you really start to realize as you try to actually do something nice for yourself and find that it won’t fit in with it all. For a while, I was so worried about being lost and purposeless, so I piled up the endeavors, so at least I could feel like I was doing something useful. I won’t pretend that I’ve outgrown that sort of feeling, but for now I kind of want something slightly different. I know I still have lots of things I need to do in order to get a good career started for myself, which is really important to me, but it’s started to feel a little too much like drudgery, when the whole point of doing this was so that I could feel like I was living more. Classes are just a means, not an end. Tonight I am going to go to sleep before 8 o’ clock, and on Thursday I am going to watch the VP debate at a very cool warehouse.
I am a strange girl with strange thought processes, but to some people I guess I am all right.
September 20, 2008 § Leave a comment
At this point, I have skipped every one of my classes exactly once due to exhaustion, so that’s my personal allowance for the semester. And only 5 weeks in. Damn. Whatever. I’ll be so glad when it’s all over, and there’s no way that I’m taking more than three classes next time. I’m so behind in things and so tired that instead of frugally using every moment of spare time to catch up or get ahead, my brain goes into potato mode and doesn’t want to do anything but veg. I feel like I’m trying to climb my way back up a slippery brick wall in the pouring rain. It’s not too bad, because it’s not like it’s hailing, but it does seem almost hopeless at times.
I finally finished my flyer design and started copying and cutting and handing them out. It’s a bigger production that I realized at first, and it’s teaching me about the frustrations of not being familiar enough with the printing process to make designing go smoothly. I’m getting the hang of layers, if nothing else. At least that is somewhat encouraging. Anyway, this whole ordeal sparked newfound terror in me at the prospect of how many people I am going to pass these out to, and how many people I am going to add to my facebook invite list. Not enough to encourage a frenzied practice session after a long day of being tired since the moment I awoke. Yet.
Seriously, though, come winter break, I am going to ENJOY myself.
September 13, 2008 § Leave a comment
I guess it’s been a little while since I last posted. Things have been busy. And tiring—though that is mostly owing to my tendency to skimp on sleep for several nights at a time (which I blame on homework and YouTube). I’m still trying to make it a habit to actually go to sleep when I start feeling tired.
Classes are in full swing, work is fortunately plentiful, etc. etc. My fundraising has actually been quite successful, and I’ve raised 77% of my goal already. Running and practice have been notably less successful, but on the plus side, I finally ran a pretty good 6 miles again today, and I’m preparing to buy a rather nice spinnet piano that I found on Craigslist. So yes, things are moving along, somewhat terrifyingly slowly on my part… October 26 is inching nearer at a frightening rate. But nothing inspires quite like last-minute panic.