This is what I want.

September 2, 2009 § Leave a comment

I want to train for another marathon. I want to put on that recital, finally. It will take a while, but I’m going to do it. I want to finish this design certificate and start working. And I want to take a trip again outside the U.S. I’ve never been to Central or South America. Or Spain. And it’d be nice to go to Australia again, too. I could take short trips, or, if I establish myself to do freelance pretty decently in a couple of years, I could go for extended periods if I wanted to. I don’t turn 30 for another six years or so, and I might as well use this time to do whatever I can and whatever I want. I could move to anywhere in the country, look for jobs in New York, or Chicago, or Seattle, or Boston, and not worry about taking other people with me or feeling like I have to think hard about anyone else. I have friends all over anyway, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to manage.

I would probably come back eventually. And maybe this is just a crazy half-phase I’m in. But I know I need to do something different. Again.

I know. This happens every single time. You could call it running away. You could call it trying to change myself. I’m not sure what it is. But I feel stuck, and maybe this is a way of the universe—or, if you’re opposed to that notion, my subconscious—showing me a new possibility. I need to be a little uncomfortable and struggle a bit, and then something might come of it. It might turn out to not be a good idea… but you could also say that about the alternative.

Before all that: school. I can do nothing if I can’t get through this year.

Quote of the week: “When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.”
I am going to be sooo awesome.

9:45pm

I have decided that Wednesdays are awesome. Photoshop and Illustrator in the same day? Also, I don’t know why I didn’t enjoy spread-out schedules before. I took BART downtown during my down time… and it was amazing. The first time (yes, I went back and forth) I discovered an amazing farmer’s market just a block from City Hall, and the second time I sat down by Union Square with my sketch pad and people-watched for a while. Plus, the weather was absolutely lovely. Why did I never think to do this before? What a humbug I’ve been. Wednesdays may just be the best days ever now.

Of course, the days when I don’t have my camera are the days I really wish I had. I need to start making this routine. Seriously.

And class is so inspiring. I am so excited about this semester again. I know I was stressed as hell yesterday, but today was exactly what I needed. And coming home from class, changing into my pjs and doing homework quietly in the comfort of my room… I think I can get used to this.

And perhaps a run tomorrow morning, too.

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