Another Reason Why.

March 10, 2010 § Leave a comment

I was thinking a little while back about a list of reasons why I run and why I love it. It keeps me conscious of my fitness and how I eat. I love the sensation of the wind and sunshine on my arms and legs. I love the physicality of all of it. I love the feeling of accomplishment after covering a long distance with my own feet. It makes me feel unique. It also makes me feel like a part of the great big group of runners who sign up for marathons and half-marathons by the thousands. I love that it is easily a very individual endeavor, unlike basketball or ultimate frisbee, where other people depend on you for success or fun—it’s whatever I can do, whatever I feel like doing on a given day, as hard as I want to push myself for my own sake.

I’ve come up with another reason recently, though, and it’s that it’s the one part of my life that actually seems to be making proper progress. I feel healthier than I have for a long time ever since I made up my mind to start training for SF in July (well, aside from the getting sick because of lack of sleep thing). On the other hand, I graduated from Davis three years ago and am still working on undergraduate work. I don’t feel adequately prepared for a real-world graphic design profession. I’m wishy-washy even about what I want my next step to be in this matter. I’ve felt unmotivated and dull all semester. I’m in my mid-twenties already and feel like I should be further along with all of this stuff than I currently am. I’m doing nothing with my music degree that I worked so hard for and was so enthusiastic about a few years ago. I just feel a little bit lost and emotionally haywire. The things I look forward to the most these days are track workouts or group runs or weekend races, and being able to say, I’ve run two marathons and I’m proud of my times… and not feel like a failure or inadequate in any way. 

I’m grateful that I at least have that much.

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