Freaking out.

July 3, 2010 § Leave a comment

I only have five weeks left here. I’m not ready to leave, and my thoughts and emotions are rebelling against this ever-tightening time constraint. The other day, I went on a run to the beach and Lands End, and then extended my usual route towards the Presidio and discovered all these amazing and wonderful running trails. Running there made me feel as exhilarated and excited as I did when running in the Leechwald in Graz three summers ago, and I couldn’t help but to feel a pang of regret and sadness at having discovered yet another wonderful thing about this city so soon before I have to depart. I was so upset that as I neared the end of the 12 miles of my route (I meant to run 8–11 that day), I kept going and extended my run to 20 miles. Not smart, since I had run 20 miles just three days before that and such a feat was not part of my intended training schedule, but I could not bear to let my legs stop moving and wanted nothing else but to run my heartbreak into exhaustion.

I made a list today of 30-something things I need to get done before I fly out. Some are simple things, like buying a Muni pass or calling my aunt to schedule a piano lesson (I crossed off both of those), and some are more complicated or time-consuming or vague like learning HTML and CSS and packing. It’s a little overwhelming to think of how much there is.

Ocean Beach, Lands End, Golden Gate Park and the Presidio. I will miss you, dearly. I’m sure I will like Brooklyn when I get there. But did you know that I haven’t splashed around in the water at Ocean Beach since I was maybe 4? Am I ready to give up my runs in the Panhandle, amidst the plentiful eucalyptus trees, down Arguello, or against the backdrop of the Golden Gate? No more Arizmendi, or the lovely stretch on 9th between Judah and Irving?

I’m trying to enjoy what I still have and not worry until I absolutely have to, but it’s hard.

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