Searching for balance.

September 22, 2010 § Leave a comment

I’m running a 5k this Saturday with the New School XC team.

I haven’t run since this past Saturday. I have also yet to run with the New School XC team. Well, stranger things have happened.

I haven’t been running, period. I’ve been spending all of my time in class or working on assignments, or lying around half brain dead from lack of sleep. It’s a struggle and I’m glad to have it, but there must be way to find a better balance. It’s Week 4 and my current habits seem unsustainable. It feels like there’s an endless amount of things that need to get done, and it’s overwhelming unless I can get myself to stop multi-tasking and maintain staunch focus instead.

There’s so much that I need to prove. That I can meet the same standards that ***** does; that my focus on my work will make ***** hereby inconsequential to me. That the Katrina who quit Longy quit for good reason, and not because she was a quitter. That my presence on this planet and in this society is worthwhile because of what I am able to contribute intellectually. Today when I presented two of my type posters in crit, I was met with blank stares and general silence from my classmates. Best feeling in the world. But you don’t get better unless you stumble and fall, and I am determined to sweat and bleed as much as it takes because mediocrity is unacceptable and indecision is not an option.

You can’t design in a vacuum, and you can’t be a designer without being a real person and having a life. Somehow, I will find a way to get more sleep, and stop succumbing to junk food when I am stressed and tired, and fit in a decent weekly mileage because without it I’m just not at my best. There’s a quote in one of my design books by Mao Tse-Tung that says, “Never begin an important design project unless you have had at least eight hours’ sleep followed by a nutritious breakfast.” I pointed to it and laughed with another classmate yesterday evening, because we are all working our butts off and downing the caffeine trying to keep up. But there is a way to achieve a better balance than I have now, and I am determined to find it without sacrificing my schoolwork.

Ironic that I am up at this late hour as I am writing this. Well, what can you do?

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