May 24, 2012 § Leave a comment
And it’s just getting started.
Muggy days have arrived in New York, and I felt it at tonight’s track workout. It was mile repeats tonight, and after the first set, I could definitely feel a faint yet very present oppression of the sitting sweat on my skin. I was generally a bit sore and tired in addition to all that, but I was feeling far from top form. My pride kept me from wimping on that last mile—I had been slowing down considerably after each one—but my friend JF (a frequent 5-minute per miler) kindly offered to pace me for the last set so that I could at least maintain my 7 minute pace that I had slowed to. I started out on the fast side, but he kept up the pace, and every time I began to lag he very helpfully yelled out the encouragement needed to keep me from succumbing to my body’s complaints. After the best 100-meter final dash I could muster up and half a minute of labored heaving afterward, I felt so good for the genuine effort I gave—as well as my 6:32 finish. Holla! Thank goodness for friends who push and motivate, as well as for friends who help me up and walk with me til I recatch my breath.
This summer’s races are a bit daunting, but I’m getting the seriousness of my training back on track. I mean to make progress, and I will do whatever I can to get there, to be healthy and strong, to be lean and fast. (This probably should include sleep, too, though. Why am I so bad at this?)
My friend KU is visiting me for a couple days, and over dinner tonight we talked about the struggles she’s been going through with her Doctorate of Music program in Illinois. She’s one of the most driven, focused, motivated, thorough, and passionate people that I know, and I have the utmost respect and love for her for that. Our conversation tonight was so refreshing and invigorating; her passion is inspiring and strengthens the fire under my own. Tonight I made a vow to uphold my own careful focus and dedication.
Speaking of which, the new intern CL at my motion graphics internship always makes me feel like he’s working harder than I am. I’m not about to be left behind.
May 16, 2012 § Leave a comment
Oh my goodness. I am absolutely tired to death but my mind is racing with exhaustion and manic mayhem. In a good way, I suppose. I am back in New York after a marvellous few days in San Francisco, and was welcomed this morning by the scent of increasingly summery humidity and the wonderfully familiar whirlwind of Pedestrians Everywhere. Hello, and it’s good to be back.
On last night’s red-eye I was accompanied by a demanding and whiny little girl who also happened to be winningly cute and aware of the advantages this afforded her. She actually amused me instead aggravating me, even as she kicked my leg petulantly in her sleep. And my work week thus began with half of the preferred allotment of energy reserves, and also half the time to mentally andphysically prepare for this weekend’s big race; and theI it is off to Chicago, then hello Packing And Apartment Moving it’s so nice of you to drop in so very suddenly but please won’t you come in?
Also, I have discovered…
To be continued, unless a night’s sleep leaves me relievingly fickle.
May 2, 2012 § Leave a comment
All in all, I’m pretty lucky, and have no reason to complain about anything. Let me remember this always.
I went running tonight. Twelve laps on the outside of the track in the park. It’s lovely when there are a lot of people out late, and the stadium lights are shining bright, especially on a slightly warm night like tonight. I feel like the two weeks “off” that I took did me some good—despite the fact that I can feel the weight gain from the past month and a half, I’ve retained my speed despite losing some strength for endurance, but I would say that’s a pretty good place to be in. During each lap I felt strong and confident, and I felt the associations of empowerment and self-discovery from all my reflective runs from the past two years. Astoria Park is home.
In the end, all I have is myself. But I’m not really very happy with myself most of the time. I guess that’s what makes this world a rather lonely place. Someday, after all other things have faded or altered on their own personal timelines, all I will have to hold onto are the answers to the words, “What have I accomplished? Why should I matter?”
Because home is an ever-changing notion. The world is ever-changing. People are not the same as they were six months ago. I am one of them. I am scared. Of everything. I would rather leave home than be left behind. I would rather turn inward than feel the sting of being ignored. The person I was three years ago, and the people I loved three years ago—does it even matter anymore?
Perhaps it’s time to sleep.