Yearning

November 17, 2012 § Leave a comment

A lot of my friends are running marathons this weekend: Philly, Bucks County… The Knickerbocker 60k (yes, I know, an ultra not a marathon, but I think it’s worth noting)… and I must say that I’m a little envious. I’m getting fatter, eating more poorly, and my self confidence is quietly creeping away. I keep thinking that just maybe I’ll be able to sneak in a short easy run and have it be okay, but simply rolling over onto my stomach in bed or stretching my torso ever so slightly to yawn or loosen up my back are strict reminders that it isn’t time yet. Lymph node dissection ain’t no joke, I guess.

So I’m going to have to lift myself up by my psychological boot straps some other way. Running is my main defense against sinking spirits but it can’t be the only answer. I will not be so one-track-minded, because if anything, I am a fiercely determined person in most things.

I get to go home this weekend. There will be a magically clean house, Thanksgiving festivities, a rowing machine, and the simple comforts of having my parents around. I am hoping the relaxation will help with a speedier recovery. I don’t know. I suppose that if I really cannot race in two or even three weeks, it won’t be the end of the world. I can accept that if I need to.

I am just never more animated than when I get to talk about running. I miss the Queensboro bridge and the Central Park loop, I miss tallying up my weekly mileage and the anticipation that comes from lacing up my running shoes and knotting them with a good tug. I don’t know how much longer I will have to be out of commission… My muscles miss that comfortable and familiar motion, and my mind knows that I am missing out on this crisp autumn running weather.

But at least I can look forward to a satisfying comeback someday.

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You are currently reading Yearning at On the road to Marathon No. 1.

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