For two weeks from now

November 27, 2012 § Leave a comment

So I’m almost 27, and I’d hoped that I might be a bit better at not caring so much what other people think about me and just being comfortable in my own skin, doing what’s important to me. I waste do much time on Facebook, trying to sculpt the image people have of me through carefully selected profile pictures and carefully worded status updates, but why? No one really cares all that much except myself, because I want to fool people into thinking that I’m hip and interesting and important. How phony, and how boring.

I was thinking the same thing about dating. How long does it generally take to decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone? How well do you generally hope to know that person before you make that first small bit of commitment? But how long does it really take to actually get to know a person? To know what they really care and think about, and not just what they want you to think they care and think about? I imagine it is pretty natural to make introducing yourself to someone new an opportunity to rebuild your image for your own sake. There isn’t anything wrong with that, but aspirations are only aspirations.

I’ve let myself become too wordy again. My main thought, I suppose, is that I want to stop trying to manipulate my image of myself and be comfortable enough to accept that I have my faults and idiosyncrasies as well as my strengths, that not everyone will love me or like me, but that I don’t need them to as long as I honor my personal values and obligations. That’s my wish for my birthday this year, and it’s my resolution for 2013. Twenty-seven somehow seems much older and urgent an age than twenty-six.

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