November 28, 2012 § Leave a comment

This Sunday is my comeback race, a 5-mile club points race in Central Park. My runs have been going pretty well recently, so I’m feeling confident that I can give it a good, solid effort. Five miles is a perfect distance to come back on: it doesn’t need the speed of a 5k or quite the distance base of a 10k and up. I am pretty psyched to see what I can do.

I also feel pretty good about the winter in general. Ideally, the fall would have been the real start of my new running season, but due to a delayed start I had to make it last week. But no matter. I’m building back up slowly but surely, and I’ve had enough unfortunate hiatuses in my running career by now to know that I am fully capable of coming back successfully from pretty much anything. My mind is sharp and determined, and I intend to make sure my diet is as healthy as it can be, that I train and rest properly, and just be smart about it in general. I want to NY qualify this year, whether I end up deciding to run the marathon again or not. From now til May… Or else October or November, but I’d rather not procrastinate with this.

This is really good for me. I really need this to work for, and I need to be around my running friends more again. Running gives me confidence and the ability to love myself like few other things can. It reminds me what I can achieve on my own, it makes me embrace the pain of extreme effort and physical exertion, it proves to myself that I can succeed at things, that I can be healthy and fit and have a body that I love and feel comfortable in, and it just makes me feel special. I don’t know if I will be able to run all my life, but I certainly hope to. I trained for my first two marathons in response to heartbreak and was rewarded with the ability to love myself. I have run through anger and tears, struggled through depression and loneliness and self-hatred. Not every run ends in joy, and not every run ends with answers to the sadness and confusion that I hope to sort out, but it is a friend, and it is there for me.

Bear with me. I have to love something. And this Sunday will be a celebration of that.


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