December 30, 2012 § Leave a comment
I’ve realized that my whole life I have always been reluctant to act. My natural desire is to sit quietly, muse over things somewhat lazily, and fidget around a bit. Putzing around, always just putzing.
It’s so stupid, really. I’m doing everything I can to change that, right now. Because no one cares what a nice, wonderful person you might be if you don’t get things done. And of course I do things—I’m employed, I go to work, I run, I go out and spend time with people, but I’m wasting my potential. Time on Facebook, for example, is the dumbest waste of life. Time is precious, and if I’m not going to be productive then I could at least play some piano, or watch a movie I’ve never seen, or get some real honest rest, instead of letting my brain rot into putty before a computer screen that was meant for more meaningful uses than to see if there are any new posts about a person’s dog or random complaints about a stranger on public transit.
I want to be a do-er. Time is precious and limited.
I have so many hopes for this new year. I’m hoping for a great running season, I’m hoping for some PRs, and to train for and run Marathon No. 4. I’m hoping to be a better designer, to feel more like I know what I’m doing, to feel more confident in hat I can offer. I need to make this all happen. To waste all the opportunities and priveliges I’ve been given would be arrogant and irresponsible.
Time to recharge for tomorrow, for the week begins anew.
December 11, 2012 § Leave a comment
This is a little embarrassing to admit, but I’ve been feeling a little uninspired design-wise lately.
I worry now and then about how much work I will be getting in the next few weeks. I haven’t really been adding much to my portfolio in the past while, and my motivation has been a little bit lackluster these days. I’m not quite sure what I need to do to fix this… But it bothers me. The point of having a creative job, I always thought, was to be able to be excited about it all the time. Instead, I’m just so tired. And generally unfocused.
What’s missing right now?
P.S. All I want to do is run. Is this a problem?
December 9, 2012 § Leave a comment
Ran another race today—the Ekiden relay with NYC Runs. I really love these relays with my team, where it’s just a million of us in our teams of 4 or 5, varying groups of people and abilities all mashed together, all running together, with different costumes, not really caring who comes in faster or slower. Last night I was feeling a little morose, and one of the things that comforted me a little was the thought of being able to run this morning. I wanted it for the individual act of running, but being around everyone today added so much more.
Was feeling a little glum when I got back home this afternoon, but some bourbon (Jim Beam—didn’t like it first, but I warmed up to it) and roasted butternut squash (probably too much olive oil, but delicious) and an indulgent spoonful of almond butter for good measure put me in better spirits. Today is the last day of being 26. Birthdays always feel like a privately significant moment to me. I don’t like the idea of big parties or celebrations for myself, but I prefer to really think about what’s changed in my life since the year before and what I want to make happen this next time around.
I’ve met so many good people this year. So many wonderful people, people who I can confide in, be inspired by, hug every time I see them, people who I can joke around with in the most ridiculous ways, and run with, and care about. That’s probably the most important thing to note. These people who I surround myself with, and keep in touch with, and think about… they’ll help me move forward.
December 2, 2012 § Leave a comment
Today’s race was a really exciting one for me. Not only was it my comeback race, we were also racing Van Cortlandt Track Club for first place in the women’s B Division. We ended up in second, but the competitive spirit brought out a lot of positive energy in us. Personally, I felt pretty tired rather earlier than I would have liked, but I pushed through to the best of my ability and gave a pretty strong kick at the end, so I’m pretty satisfied. Many of my teammates are a lot more relaxed now that the intensity of the fall marathon training season is behind us, and there were others among us who were also coming back from a hiatus of some sort, and it’s great to see people bounce back strong when they do. There was a lot of support from my team along the course as per usual, and I definitely feel the love. It’s great to be back.
I should also note that another friend of mine, though not a Hellgater, who was hoping to sub 8 minute pace, ended up running a 7:25 pace. (I knew he could do it easily but he hadn’t believed me.)
The race schedule for the first three months of 2013 are up, and I’m already pretty decided on what races I will be preparing for. I’m ready to sink my teeth into this season. Next year has so much to look forward to!